Brighter Lines on the Horizon

In the past 3 years, I can’t say there has been a time when running wasn’t the focus of my health journey. I’ve lived it and breathed it and been consumed by it. And when I wasn’t consumed by it, I felt guilty for not being consumed by it.

The past couple weeks, though, it is not my focus. And I don’t feel guilty. (Okay, I guess I might have an iota or two of guilt, but I feel guilt and anxiety over 90% of things in my life.)

A few months ago, I read the book Bright Line Eating by Susan Peirce Thompson, Ph.D. And it made so much sense to me. I looked up studies she had referenced. I read and re-read passages. I nodded and yearned for the freedom from food that she presented.

“Bright Line Eating is grounded in cutting edge psychology and neuroscience, and its tenets fly in the face of almost every commonly accepted weight loss strategy. It gives you a plan to follow that is effective and proven to work. It’s not a quick fix or a gimmick. There are no pills and no powders. We are precise with our eating, but we don’t restrict portions to tiny amounts and we eat a lot of whole, real food.

The core principles of BLE are Bright Lines—clear, unambiguous boundaries we don’t cross just like a non-smoker doesn’t smoke, no matter what. The four Bright Lines are: Sugar, Flour, Meals, and Quantities.” –Susan Peirce Thompson

More specifically, here are the bright lines:

1. No added sugars
2. No flours
3. Eat 3 meals per day. No snacks.
4. Fixed quantities: measure out each bit of food that goes in your mouth.

And after I read all this stuff that totally made sense to me, what did I do? I put it all away, because how could I ever follow that life? It seemed too extreme, too overwhelming, too much.

A few weeks ago, the book popped into my radar again. It came up on Audible as a heavily discounted Black Friday special. So I bought it. And I started listening. Again, I thought, “Too extreme!” But a passage resonated with me in a way it hadn’t before.

Either way, you’re probably asking me right now, “Isn’t that extreme?”
To which I reply, “I’ll tell you what’s extreme.” Each year in the United States alone, over 70,000 people have to get a limb amputated because of their Type 2 diabetes. Seventy thousand people. Their doctors have warned them it’s coming, but it doesn’t matter. They can’t stop. They eat until they lose a limb. That is extreme. That is how powerful this addiction is. Giving up processed drug-foods isn’t extreme. What’s extreme is the way our society eats – and the consequences we’ve decided we’re willing to tolerate as a result.

And of course the answer is to quit. When someone is losing critical lung function because they smoke two packs of cigarettes a day, we don’t tell them to moderate their smoking. We tell them to quit.
“But how?” you’re asking. “Cigarettes are easy to avoid. Food is everywhere! And I have to eat to survive and there are special things I love to eat that have sugar and flour in them and I don’t know if I could give them up forever and you’ve just pointed out how hard it is to stick with anything…”
I hear you. And it’s okay to feel panicked – that’s actually coming from the dopamine receptors in your nucleus accumbens. They are about to get their supply cut off and they don’t like it. Not one little bit.
Which is why I’m happy to tell you that this program is stronger than they are. Your brain will heal, and there’s a very, very bright future ahead of you. Relax. It won’t be nearly as bad as you think.

And I felt it pulling me again. But I also fell the pull of a bunch of destructive thoughts.

It’s too close to Christmas. How can you do this around the holidays? You might as well wait until after cookie baking, after Christmas parties, after Christmas day, after New Year’s, after, after, after…

And then I realized I was sabotaging my own motivation to feel healthier and better. It’s no secret that I’ve yearned to lose weight most of my adult life and much of my adolescent life as well. I’m not going to hide that. It used to be for purely vain reasons. It’s not like that now, though. Now, I have a million other reasons. I want to feel better. I want my waist-line to stop expanding, even when I’m eating well and exercising. I want to know what else I can do with my life when I’m feeling like a better physical version of myself. I want to be the best possible “me” I can for the people in my life.

One of my reasons.

And yeah, that’s going to be hard. But maybe there is a way to get there. From the BLE support groups I’ve joined, I’ve heard from dozens of people who have been doing this for a long time, and the results are phenomenal. It works. It isn’t easy, but like Susan said above, it wasn’t nearly as bad as they thought.

So, the tl;dr version of it all is this: I’m making my food choices a priority right now. I had a fabulous first week where I didn’t blur a single darn line for 6/7 days. One of those days was our annual cookie baking day. I kept my lines for the morning and most of the afternoon, and then I made a conscious decision to let them go. (This is totally not recommended on BLE, but I decided that it was necessary to make it work for me.) The next day, I could feel cookies and sugar and flour and other things pulling me in, but I rejected them. I felt like junk, and so my body kept asking for more junk. But I said no. Those foods are not for me, and I kept my lines bright for the whole day.

Guess what? It wasn’t nearly as hard as I thought it would be. It took effort and it took planning, but it took a lot less willpower than I expected. And by Friday, I actually felt pretty great.

So I’m getting things under control. And once I feel a little steadier on my feet, you can bet those feet will be running again. I bet you anything, they’ll be moving a little faster, because they’ll be running on clean fuel that is meant to energize my body and keep me going for the long haul.

Have you read Bright Line Eating or heard of this lifestyle before? What changes are you trying to make for your own health? Would love to hear from you in the comments!

P.S. Whenever I get a little too “deep and thoughtful” in a post, I feel the need to make it a little lighter. Has anyone’s elf shown up at their house yet? Beatrice was there this morning to ask LJ, “Do you wanna build a snowman?”

Silly toes and inhalers

 

If I used the words to describe the illness(es?) I’ve had for a month now, I’d have to put a naughty word disclaimer on this post. I’ll try to keep the swears to a minimum.

Finally, I was fed up last week. I was finally starting to feel better last Monday and got out for a good lung-clearing, nighttime run.

Can I just mention that my dog is hilarious? She walked in on me doing silly toes for a warmup, and she just…wasn’t…sure about it. She couldn’t decide if she was horrified or embarrassed for me or if she needed to rescue me from some sort of demonic possession. Ahh, sweet girl.

Anyway, by Wednesday, I was congested and hacking again. I visited my virtual doctor (brilliant invention, btw), and she said it’s likely I am just suffering several concurrent bugs being shared by my generous little preschooler. How lovely.

She did believe that my lungs are pretty worn out from not having a break, so I now have my very first inhaler. It is giving my lungs a few hours of “break-time” where they can do some deep breathing or yoga or something, and I’m hoping this all fades away soonish. I particularly have trouble when going from indoor warm air to outdoor cold air. Since this is something I can’t avoid doing in beautiful Minnesota, it’s something I just have to deal with for now. Makes running the pits, though.

The only way I’ve been able to cheer myself is with usual Christmas nonsense. We put up decorations. We sang carols and listened to Christmas tunes. We trimmed the tree. And it makes me feel so much better in general. My kiddo has inherited my love of all things festive, and it is so fun to share this time of year with her.

Nothing sweeter than a little face glowing under the lights.

Playing jingle bells to me for the millionth time

The vague-booking in my last post is ready to revealed, and it’s another reason I’m kind of in a funk. I am not participating in the WDW marathon in January. Luckily, my parents and family were incredibly supportive when I told them. I mostly didn’t want to be a disappointment to them, since they are joining us on this trip. But like I said…they are supportive and awesome and amazing, so I mainly just have to cope with disappointing myself yet again. I will move forward, though.

H’okay. That’s all I’ve got the mental faculties to type today. Good things are on the horizon. I just have to get myself there, one step at a time.

A Vague Book

Earlier today, I looked up from the fifteen projects I was working on at my desk. I realized my viewpoint was a rather solid representation of my current conundrum. I know all the healthy things I should be eating and drinking (water, coffee, fruit), but dammit all, the only thing I can focus on is that Halloween candy lurking in the background. Also, I have a cough that rivals something out of The Exorcist. I’ll spare you the details, but that’s why the cough drop makes a random appearance.

Early this week, I made some big changes. Ones I’m not ready to write a ton about here, but let’s just say my plans for future races have changed drastically. In a sense, I feel defeated and disappointed in myself. I hope others aren’t disappointed, because I do hope to redeem myself eventually. I have other things I need to focus on first, and I’m working through that. So in another sense, I am relieved. The pressure I was putting on myself was having the opposite effect I had hoped for. Rather than feeling motivated and determined like I used to in college when I’d save 20 page term papers until the night before they were due, I just felt…lost and like I was grabbing for something I’m just not ready to reach yet.

Well, enough “Vague-booking” from me. I’ll plan on expanding more another time.

Halloween has come and gone. November is here, and that means I’m legally allowed to play Christmas music in my home and car. (If you are someone who is morally opposed to this, I promise I’m not forcing it upon you. I am simply someone who basks in the glory of winter and Christmas and all the warmth and fuzzies that come from it. I love Christmas movies and snow and hot cocoa. I love trimming the tree and decorating my home until it looks like Christmas threw up in there. And I’m not going to apologize for it. I don’t ignore Thanksgiving (although, let’s not pretend Thanksgiving is based upon some warm and fuzzy event…) by any means. I just love the chance to celebrate winter and being with family and friends.

Where was I going with this? Oh, right. Halloween happened. I am hesitant to include myself in the picture below, because I am admittedly disappointed at the sight of myself in my costume. If you are overweight, maybe you understand that disappointment…when you *feel* like you look pretty good and then you see a photo of yourself that makes you want to crawl into a closet. Oh well. LJ thought I looked badass (not her word choice, but close enough), and I have to focus on that.

My little Sith Lord had a delightful and sugar-filled day. She has such a full candy bucket, and I’ll be first to admit I’ve been sampling from it far too much this week. Especially as I am trying so very hard (for the millionth time) to be conscious of what I am consuming. I am so grossed out by the idea of sugar, and yet these rich confections still seem to keep jumping right into my mouth. Bastards.

For real, though. I have an awful cold this week. (Sorry to any of my coworkers reading this who have had to listen to my disgusting cough. Thanks for putting up with me and the massive amounts of Clorox wipes I’ve been using.) My whole body hurts from coughing, and I’m pretty sure I’ve pulled a few muscles. And this has led to me having a bit of a pity party because I can’t run without having a massive coughing attack. Which has led to some “DGAF” kind of moments when it comes to the ample amount of treats available. Goodness, I’m sure getting my use out of Urban Dictionary today.

I promise. It’s gonna get better. Did you hear that? Hold me accountable, plz and thx.

Wishing you and yours a happy Daylight Saving time. Ugh. Maybe “happy” is the wrong sentiment. Maybe “I hope we can get through this dark-all-the-time BS” is closer to the truth. Either way. Snuggle in. Have some cocoa. Watch a Christmas movie (or Thanksgiving movie or Halloween or just a movie, whatever). Enjoy yourself.

3/17/17: Friday Favorites

A festive happy Friday to you all! Are you Irish folk wearing your green today? I now realize the only green I really have belongs to race shirts. So I’m sporting my 2017 “Get Lucky” top today. No pinching, please.

We celebrated St. Patrick’s Day at our house, because a leprechaun snuck in while we weren’t looking. It put rainbows on our pizza and dessert when we weren’t looking!

Silly leprechaun.

Today, I’m featuring a “favorite” that’s fairly new in my life. I’m always on the lookout for workouts that fit my style: fun, fresh, and distracting. (I’m not saying I personally am fun, fresh, or distracting. I just like those kinds of things. I’m actually more meh, stale, and inconspicuous most days.)

When POUND showed up in my Facebook newsfeed, I was immediately smitten. I thought it was such a neat idea, and I was disappointed there were no classes near me. At the time, I don’t think they had yet released any DVDs for at-home use, but I could be wrong. I just remember thinking, “I want to do that!”

Then a couple months ago, it popped up again! And I realized they do have DVDs for at-home use. And I wanted them. So I saved up, and my brand spankin’ new POUND DVDs and Ripstix arrived in the mail about a week later.

The first night I did a workout, I was mainly planning on viewing it and maybe doing a few moves as a tester. The workout I picked was “Jam Session,” which was 40 minutes total. No way was I going to do all that on a Tuesday at 9:30 PM.

Well, fast forward 40 minutes, and I realized I was finishing up the entire workout. I did the whole damn thing. And I was sweating a lot. It hadn’t felt like a ton of work though, so I cleaned up and went to bed.

The next morning, oh goodness, could I ever feel it. Cursed DOMS! It got me. But I also knew that meant this was a good workout.

I’m currently following their 60-day routine, so I’ll likely have an update for you in a couple months. So far, though? Great stuff.

If you’re interested, read a little more here and here. Even if you’re not necessarily interested, they have good information and recipes on their blog.

What’s on your weekend docket, chickadees? I have a 7-mile long run in the plans, a couple POUND workouts, work on Sunday, and not much else. Here’s to hoping you find some time to relax, green beer (or ginger ale) in hand!

Read on. Run on.
Cassie

3/16/17: Thankful Thursday

This week, post-8.7 mile race, I’ve been a whole lot better at horizontal running than actual running. I think that’s bound to happen now and again. I’ve been keeping up on my strength and cardio except for a bummer-kind-of-day yesterday. Back at it tonight.

Nevertheless, I am ready to be thankful today. This semi-weekly ritual has helped me keep a good perspective on life when I need it most. I have a good life, and some days I just have to fight the brain ninjas who are trying to tell me otherwise.

1. Mother Runners: especially those ones who just get it. Adrienne Martini sums it up so well this week when she says, “I tell you this not to show off — although sometimes the knowledge of how bad one’s ass must be to run in this awfulness gets me through the worst of it — but to assure you that every single mother runner you know gets what it is like to push through and get it done. It’s not all rainbows and unicorns out there all of the time. There are months when it is grindingly bleh to be a BAMR. Still, we keep going.”
   These months are difficult for me. My energy level is lower-than-low, and all I want to do is snuggle in a blankie and hide from the world. The BAMR community, in particular, reminds me of why I need to get out and run, especially on the snuggly blankie days.
2. Awesome people doing awesome things: especially those who dress up as stormtroopers while they run. Have you seen this guy? Fantastic. (Although I am glad to not be the one cleaning that uniform.) Dream big, folks.
3. Positivity: especially positivity from those who understand what it’s like to be back-of-the-pack or a bigger runner. If you are either of those things, I encourage you to read those and any other articles you come across that make you feel good. Encourage yourself every day. If you are not either of those things, I still think they’re good reads. New perspective. Understanding. All good stuff.

Guess what? Tomorrow is Friday! And St. Patrick’s Day. Don’t forget your green, and celebrate safely.

Read on. Run on.
Cassie

12/30/16: Friday Favorites

Mojo, oh, mojo!
Where did you go-jo? I don’t
know how to find you.

This lame-sauce haiku came to me in my brief attempt to express my current feelings and motivation level. I’m definitely down in the dumps, and the post-holiday blues are piled right on top.

I mean, this really sums up post-Christmas feels, doesn’t it?

January will be here next week, though, all fresh and shiny! I definitely have some goals that I’m working out right now, and I look forward to sharing them here.

One of my intentions for the new year is to have more conscious time with my girl. Today was my day off, so we went for a lunch/games date.

We are getting ready for our mid-January vacation, and I am still in slight denial about not running the Star Wars Half. The passing of Carrie Fisher has made this a particularly crushing blow for me, as I was privy to the information that she will be on the finisher medals. Life is funny, and not always in a good way.

Beauty in and out. She was my princess growing up, and she is my daughter’s princess. And badass General as well.

Holidays were good. We are so blessed with love and family and friends. I can’t remind myself of that enough.

Before bed on Christmas Eve. She gave Santa cookies, milk, and tortellini. Don’t ask, because I don’t get it either.

Handsome happy hubby.

I’m looking forward to 2017 being THE year. I don’t know why it feels different. Maybe I think that every year. But 2016 kind of felt like a gear-up, get-shit-in-line, lets-get-ready-to-go kind of year (if you forget about that pesky train-went-off-the-tracks injury a couple weeks ago). I achieved things I didn’t think I could. I feel happier, even when my brain is trying to make me not happy. I feel more at peace than I have in a long time.

Camped out with cousins!

Auntie Emily visited from NYC. We miss her so.

Are you making goals? Resolutions? I would love to hear them.

Read on. Run on.
Cassie

12/21/16: Whatever Wednesday

Since my Monday post, I’ve had so much kindness and positivity sent my way. Thank you all for your words of encouragement and for letting me just be kinda sad for a few days. I can’t promise I won’t still have some sad moments, but I also am trying to channel my energy into planning for a badass 2017. Assuming my recovery goes well, I’ll be training for a half marathon in May. I’ll start off slow and easy, though, with a plan meant for beginners and shorter distance runners who want to run long. Bless the AMR crew, because these plans come with so much support and fun. I can’t imagine having a better virtual tribe to “run with.”

Chewbarka photo. Because this post didn’t have enough cute.

So without further ado, here’s some “whatever” for your Wednesday.

• You know I love me some mental health talk. And running talk. So when you combine both into one article, of course I’ve gotta include it. Running as therapy. I firmly believe in it.
• “Weekly oasis” is the nicest term I’ve ever heard to describe “me time.” I like it, and I think it’s important we remember to do this weekly (or more often as needed).
• Anyone else stuck on the treadmill this time of year? I certainly think it has its good points. I mean, I love not having to bundle up, put on my Yak-Trax, apply Vaseline to exposed skin, pack up tissues, etc. before heading out the door at 5:30 AM. And I’ve seen several articles that give tips for enjoying the treadmill more. This one from Runner’s World seemed like a refreshing new spin on it, though.

Okay, kittens. I’m out for the evening. Got some more Christmas shopping to do, and Mother Hubbard’s cupboard isn’t exactly full.

Read on. Run on.
Cassie

12/12/16: Manic Monday

Where did that weekend go? I feel like I did a lot…and still didn’t get a lot done.

The dreaded conjunctivitis is still in my eyeballs, and I’m fairly certain that is due to the fact that my cold is just sitting in my sinuses right now. I’m ready for it to be done, though. Dayquil takes the edge off, and I’m not barfy-gross like I was last week. So this is fine.

I still didn’t want to risk an outdoors run this morning, though, since it was -12 with windchill. So on ye ole treadmill I went. I was all prepared to bundle and head out the door, but it just…didn’t seem like a good idea. Ugh. Tried to get some “treadhill” work in and up the incline every now and again. I was over it by 3 miles, though. The rest of this week looks to be just as cold. Ugh.

The frosty view from my porch this morning, where I was trying to cool off from my treadmill run.

I’m all about keeping on top of things during the holiday season. So I’ve been perusing lots of recipes and cookbooks to get ideas for healthy, nourishing meals along with a few indulgences.

I read Run Fast. Eat Slow. and fell in love with it. Seriously, do yourself a favor and check this one out from the library or purchase it from your local bookstore. So much goodness, and I can’t wait to try several of the recipes.

I also look for little ways to modify that help keep those extra holiday pounds at bay. Loving this round-up of healthier holiday cookie recipes, and hoping to try some over the next couple of weeks!

Other than that, we’re just taking everything day by day. And having lots of holiday adventures, including finding our elf on the shelf, Bernice. Even she has to resort to spending some time on the treadmill now and again.

“Mom, look! I’m an elf on the treadmill, too!”

Keep at it, chickadees. Enjoy your day and make some memories.

Read on. Run on.
Cassie

12/9/16: Friday Favorites

Oy. What a week. I can’t even tell you how excited I am to see this weekend (as long as nothing else “fun” springs up).

Last Friday was fun! We visited a light display, and we even caught Santa just before he was done visiting with kids for the evening.

And it’s a darn good thing, because on Saturday morning, the kiddo woke me up to say, “Mama, I don’t feel very well.” And then she proceeded to barf on my last clean pair of yoga pants. We assumed it was an icky tummy due to her long-standing cold. Mucus buildup is nothing to mess with, people. (TMI. Sorry.)

We had planned on a day of holiday fun, and I had a 9 mile long run planned. The run didn’t happen. And the holiday fun…well, it ended up being the “stay at home on the couch and watch Christmas movies” variety. I’m not opposed to that. A good reminder that slowing down can be beneficial this time of year.

Girlfriend still smiles when she’s sick.

Stir-crazy by the end of the day.

Feeling better the next morning.

Sunday, I woke up feeling my cold had progressed to give me a terrible case of dry throat/pounding head. And I knew my long run just wasn’t happening. I felt guilty for it, but I’m also trying to give myself a break.

Got a good run in Tuesday morning, and was finally starting to feel better. I should have known…

A nice post-run foam roll.

Tuesday night, I ended up lying on the bathroom floor with an intense version of whatever bug the kiddo had over the weekend.

Summary: Gross. Gross. Exhausting. Gross. I felt less gross on Wednesday, but I was SO tired. I slept all day and all night. And I was still tired Thursday! Goodness.

At least I always have someone to make me smile.

Today, I woke up feeling a bit more pep in my step. Even got my butt on the treadmill and felt pretty good…and now it seems my cold has progressed to my eyes. Yep, that’s right. Conjunctivitis in both eyes. My car was dead this morning, too. (Thanks, Dad, for the ride/assist!)

Post-treadmill, pre-pinkeye realization, pre-dead car dilemma selfie.

We have the kiddo’s Christmas concert tonight, and then I hope to re-group. Clean. Detox. (Okay, maybe not detox completely, because Mama needs a glass of wine or two.) Re-organize.

If there’s anything I’m trying to practice this week, it’s being gentle to myself. Be kind. Do my best and don’t expect more. I hope you’re able to do the same this time of year.

We will get there.

Read on. Run on.
Cassie

11/30/16: Whatever Wednesday

Well, Thanksgiving has come and gone. It was a whirlwind of a weekend spent with family and friends, and that’s just a preview of the next month. I adore this time of year, but I’m already tired and overbooking myself.

This time of year is also painful for many, and I will add myself in there. Thanksgiving is the last day I heard my grandmother, someone I considered my “partner in crime” from a young age, say “I love you” to me. She was in hospice, and as I prepared to leave, I told her I loved her. She whispered slowly and strained, “Love you, too.” And her voice will stick with me forever. She passed peacefully on December 6th.

I know others are in their own kinds of pain, and I hope you are able to find some joy in each day. Sometimes, it’s just about survival. And I know part of my survival comes through running. I have been seeing lots of posts on staying accountable through the holidays, and paying close attention to that helps me. I particularly like this post from No Meat Athlete. Good tips for athletes and non-athletes alike.

I also find solace in books. It’s a good way for me to escape for a bit and focus on something not-in-my-head. What am I digging lately? In the past few weeks: Faithful by Alice Hoffman, You’ll Grow Out of It by Jessi Klein, and It’s Okay to Laugh (Crying Is Cool Too) by Nora McInerny. Also a shout-out to the new podcast Nora is hosting, Terrible, Thanks for Asking. And her new child, Stormtrooper Luckycharm. Because that is epic. I’m a quiet admirer of all she has done.

And obviously, check your local library or bookstore for these items. (I’m totally guilty of Amazon-ing a lot, though, so I totally get it if you do, too.)

Also, books are awesome, and these quotes remind me of that. Save ’em for a day you’re feeling a little lost.

Turkey Trot

#AMRStride Fancypants

Transitioning from fall to winter

Favorites

Alright, that’s what I’ve got for today. Later, friends!

Read on. Run on.
Cassie