Today’s Tasty Tuesday isn’t exactly what it has been in the past. Because this is what we ate tonight:
I’m putting it “out there,” because I want this blog to reflect my reality, whether that’s the fluffy happy stuff or the down-in-the-dumps, order-pizza-because-I-don’t-know-how-to-move kind of stuff. I am human. This is something that happens to me. This is how my body wants to cope with stress, and some days, I can’t push through it.
In particular, this kind of thing happens when I’m just worn out. Restless sleep has been my normal these past couple of weeks. A constant weight on my shoulders and chest is the anxiety that plagues me at most all hours. Between illness and other various stressors, I went into today feeling like I was barely keeping it together. I slept all of 4 hours last night, but I still crawled out of bed to greet the day with a run.
It was hard. I feel I have reverted to square one. Between the ice and junky weather, loss of endurance, and various aches and pains (some related to my injury, some not), I’ve gone up almost 2 minutes per mile. It.Makes.Me.Feel.Crazy.
But I knew without my run, I’d just feel crazier. So I did it anyway.
I came home to a sick baby. AGAIN! I am so, so tired of having a sick kid. I feel awful for her, and I can’t fix it. I hate missing work, and I hate feeling behind. And all of it takes the wind out of my sails.
But this morning, I was able to pick up those droopy sails and get through the day. Once she started feeling better, we played and danced and made art and sang. We watched movies and read a zillion books and just enjoyed each other’s company. Rather than trying to fix her troubles, I just tried to enjoy this extra time together.
I fully believe I was able to do this because I ran this morning. It takes an edge off the anxiety, and it gives me even a momentary feeling of peace.
The slick pavement covered in shadows and black ice? That is my refuge. The crisp morning air that burns my lungs and leaves me wheezing a bit when I get back indoors? The burn is a reminder of what I can accomplish when I push through. The ache in my legs detracts from that weight on my shoulders.
Certainly, there have been darker days. I have dealt with them. I will continue to deal with them. There will be better days. I know this to be true, because I have lived it time and time again.
Read on. Run on.